Queenielady
The blog of Nurhasny Caesar Junita. "Dum Vivimus Vivamus"
The difference between your generation and mine
The difference between your generation and my generation is our willingness to give up the materialistic things to pursue our own happiness.
The difference between your generation and my generation is we seek the beauty in uncertainty of living in our own terms.
The difference between your generation and my generation is we refuse to recognize your way of living to just pay the bills and nothing beyond that.
The difference between your generation and my generation is nothing can stop us from sailing from the safe harbor and wander into the unknown.
My generation refuse to live in your "delusional" 9-5 stuck in the traffic life and spend your older years thinking "what if".
-A message from a daughter to a concerned mother-
A lot of things has happened since July 2014.
Hopes. Dreams. Love. Broken-hearts. Anger. Frustration. Pressure. Happiness. Joyfulness. Conquering fears. Fighting the ordinary to be out of the ordinary. Breaking the society's depiction of normal life. Living in nomadic mode. Insecurity. Uncertainty. Alive. Infatuated. Passionate.
I am no longer the person that I was 2 years ago. Today, I am standing stronger and fearless. The past two years have been one of the greatest learning curves which I am very much grateful of; I have found myself, I was able to break free from the "jail" of working in the corporate world.
I am the happiest as I could ever be.
Hopes. Dreams. Love. Broken-hearts. Anger. Frustration. Pressure. Happiness. Joyfulness. Conquering fears. Fighting the ordinary to be out of the ordinary. Breaking the society's depiction of normal life. Living in nomadic mode. Insecurity. Uncertainty. Alive. Infatuated. Passionate.
I am no longer the person that I was 2 years ago. Today, I am standing stronger and fearless. The past two years have been one of the greatest learning curves which I am very much grateful of; I have found myself, I was able to break free from the "jail" of working in the corporate world.
I am the happiest as I could ever be.
An Ironic Reward for a Beautiful Heart
Beautiful hearts are hard to find, and to reward them when we do find them, we convince ourselves that they're too good for us. What a reward. Instead of holding onto them, we pull ourselves away. We push them away. We forget that the beauty of their hearts come from their ability to love and from their willingness to liberate those whose hearts have caged themselves in the past.
I Choose Me
"Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself.
Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me.
Because I didn't want to be a burden.
I didn't want to be too much or push people away.
I wanted people to like me.
I wanted to be cared for and valued.
I wanted to be wanted.
So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy.
And for years. I suffered.
But I'm tired suffering, and I'm done shrinking.
It's not my job to change who I am in order to make someone else's idea of a worthwhile human being.
I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter.
My thoughts matter.
My feelings matter.
My voice matters.
And with or without anyone's permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth.
Even if it makes people angry.
Even if it makes them uncomfortable.
Even if they choose to leave.
I refuse to shrink.
I choose to take up space.
I choose to honor my feelings.
I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met.
I choose to make self-care a priority.
I choose me"
-Unknown-
Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me.
Because I didn't want to be a burden.
I didn't want to be too much or push people away.
I wanted people to like me.
I wanted to be cared for and valued.
I wanted to be wanted.
So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy.
And for years. I suffered.
But I'm tired suffering, and I'm done shrinking.
It's not my job to change who I am in order to make someone else's idea of a worthwhile human being.
I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter.
My thoughts matter.
My feelings matter.
My voice matters.
And with or without anyone's permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth.
Even if it makes people angry.
Even if it makes them uncomfortable.
Even if they choose to leave.
I refuse to shrink.
I choose to take up space.
I choose to honor my feelings.
I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met.
I choose to make self-care a priority.
I choose me"
-Unknown-
I'm a proud owner of a new house :)
Just like the title, I do have a new house and yes, this house belongs to me. Not that I have the money to buy a house (I can barely afford my car fuel), but my generous parents gave each of us, my sisters and I, a house.
It's not a big or fancy house. It's only a two-bedroom house with a garage fit for one car and one bike, a bathroom, a small kitchen and dining, as well as a small garden each in the front and in the back. There's also a small empty balcony on the upper floor used to dry the clothes and also to use as a place to barbecue (it's pretty spacious).
One thing that I truly love to decorate is my room. It's not as big as my room in my parents's house, but I love it! The sun will burst through the window in the morning and I can hear the birds chirping outside. It's so cool! I haven't finished arranging my bedroom yet, it's still a big mess. But here's a sneak peak of how my new bedroom looks like:
I'll post the full version of my new house in my next post! Wait for it!
Love,
Nita xxx
It's not a big or fancy house. It's only a two-bedroom house with a garage fit for one car and one bike, a bathroom, a small kitchen and dining, as well as a small garden each in the front and in the back. There's also a small empty balcony on the upper floor used to dry the clothes and also to use as a place to barbecue (it's pretty spacious).
One thing that I truly love to decorate is my room. It's not as big as my room in my parents's house, but I love it! The sun will burst through the window in the morning and I can hear the birds chirping outside. It's so cool! I haven't finished arranging my bedroom yet, it's still a big mess. But here's a sneak peak of how my new bedroom looks like:
BIG MESS! |
I'll post the full version of my new house in my next post! Wait for it!
Love,
Nita xxx
Graduated, English, Spanish, Weight Loss...and some more stuffs
Phew… it’s been quite some time since the last time I posted
something in this blog.
I officially hold a Bachelor Degree in Economics! That’s a
huge relieve in my part (and my whole family as well). It’s been a rocky
journey with problems here and there but I went through it all anyway. It feels
like a huge stone is finally out of the way. Though, I am very well aware that
this is the end of something old and the beginning of something new. Job
hunting! That’s a pretty daunting part. I mean, I have worked before and I also
already have several interviews which some I nailed and the others, well… It is
scary indeed. I have nailed several interviews and also failed at some, but it
didn’t stop me from keep trying. I have a goal and I won’t let my fear to stand
in my way.
Earlier this year (April), I achieved 583 for TOEFL score. I
wanted a 600, but 583 ain’t bad. I’ll try again next year and study harder, of
course.
My TOEFL Score Report :D |
As for my Spanish, I have been listening to a podcast on
iTunes and it helps me a lot in the matter of enriching my basic Spanish and
how each words shift forms based on who we’re using it to. You guys can check
it out on iTunes, it’s called “Spanish Pod 101” or you can directly visit the
website: www.spanishpod101.com
Screenshot of SpanishPod101 Podcast on iTunes for iPhone |
Taking a selfie at the Gym |
I bought a new camera!
It’s a waterproof camera so I can use it the next time I go on a diving trip (I
hope soon!). It's Nikon Coolpix 110, there's a built-in GPS and Wifi which can be synced with my iPhone! How awesome is this camera? I can’t wait to get into the ocean and explore what it has to
offer.
Nikon Coolpix |
I’ll see you when I see you!
XOXO
Nita
Camping Experience
I was watching
an episode of Asia’s Next Top Model two nights ago about the models camping in
a forest in Malaysian Borneo. Just FYI, Borneo is an enormous island which
inhabited by 3 ASEAN (Association of South East Asian) countries i.e. Malaysia,
Brunei Darussalam, and the biggest part of Borneo belongs to Indonesia. Anyway,
the girls were building the tent and doing the outdoorsy things then an old
memory of mine surfaced. Throughout my whole life I’ve been camping twice.
The first camping
I had when I was in the 6th grade of elementary school (I was about 11 years
old, back then) for only 2 days. I attended a public elementary school in
Ternate for 6 months, it was temporarily because my father was posted to work
in Ambon (there was an ongoing conflict in Ambon and it wasn’t safe for me to
move there with my parents, so they decided to put me in a school near my
grandmother which is in Ternate).
Long story
short, I joined the Girl Scout and we went camping with the boys too. The
camping site wasn’t too far from the city centre; I’d say it was just like 8-10
kilometers away. One of the boys’ father was a respected military guy, so we got
the chance to ride in a big military tank during the camping. That’s probably
the most incredible ride I’ve ever had. The first day when we arrived, the
tents were already built up so we were assigned to each of our tents and then
settled in.
The girls and
I were so thrilled because it was our first time camping and we didn’t know
what to expect. We didn’t do many things on the first day because we arrived
during noon so all the boys and girls were told to cook for dinner together.
Half of the boys and girls cook and the other half do the dishes afterwards. We
were also taught how to built fire for the bonfire at night. Some of the older Boy
and Girl Scout as well as our teachers join us sitting side by side circling
the bonfire. Earlier, we were split by groups and each group has to perform
some kind of entertainment in front of everyone at the camp site. My group
performed a local dance; some were doing a theatrical act or singing. It was
totally fun. But then it was time for us to go to bed.
All of us went
to our tent and that’s when the horror began. Actually, nothing frightening
happened that night, but some of the girls from the other tent rushed into my
tent saying that they saw something weird and refused to go back to their tent.
Our tent, which only fits 4 people, gained 4 more intruders so we were
scrambling inside the tent, unable to sleep. Then each of them started to tell
horror story which was totally maddening considering that I’m not a big fan of
horror. Some of the girls said that a teenage girl did a suicidal stunt by
drowning herself near the river at the campsite which was only 35 meters away from
our tent. How unremarkably agonizing was that! I was so terrified, I told them
to shut up and sleep but none of them would listen to me. We end up being wide
awake for the whole night while we actually had a tight schedule ahead of us.
It was excruciating.
The second
camping experience I had was when I was on the first year of Junior High
School. We went camping for three days at the Prambanan Temple camp site.
Prambanan is an old Hindu temple located in between Yogyakarta and Central
Java. Unlike my first camping experience, we had to build our own tent this
time with the help of our teachers, of course. Then we were involved in a lot
of outdoor activities during the first and second day. Our view from the camp
site was just amazing. At night, when the lights surrounding Prambanan Temple
was lit, it looks like a tall and beautiful black diamond. One of the activity
was we had to walk from one post to another and answer general knowledge
questions at each posts. My team won the first place; we answered all the
questions 98% correctly and shared the price of snacks and chocolate to the
other teammates. Our last night at camping, we had the privilege to watch a
drama play about Rama and Sinta in one of the Prambanan’s theatrical stage.
We were free
to choose who we would like to share the tent with. So I shared my tent with
two of my best friends, Mustika and Sinta. In the middle of the night, Sinta
and Mustika woke me up. They wanted to pee so badly but they didn’t want to leave
me alone in the tent, well, I’d be scared to death if I woke up and no one was
inside the tent. So we walked to the toilet, which was 40 meters across our
tent. While Mustika and Sinta went inside the toilet, I waited outside. It was
really dark so I kept the flashlight on all the time. I was bored and sleepy
standing outside all alone so I kept talking to both of my friends, trying to distract
my attention from horror thoughts.
Then I
accidentally pointed the flashlight towards one of the trees on my right side (approximately
10-15 meters away), and I saw a freaking Pocong! (In Indonesia, a Pocong is a
ghost that is said to be the soul of a dead person trapped in its shroud. The
shroud is a sort of white fabric used to wrap the body of the dead person in Muslim
burials, then tied over the head, on the neck, and under the feet.) I immediately
pointed the flashlight towards other place, but I was curious and couldn’t
believe myself, so I pointed toward that tree and I saw that damn thing again. I
tried to calm myself and take a few deep breaths; I stopped looking at the location
of the Pocong and said a prayer out loud. Sinta came out and ask what happened.
I told her to look to the right and she screamed at the top of her lungs. We
both ran as fast as we could, forgetting that we left Mustika alone.
I still don’t
know until now whether it was a real Pocong or it was just my hallucination. I’ve been trying to tell myself
that it was just a hallucination and it wasn’t real but the fact that Sinta
also saw the same thing, it kind of bothers me. Maybe it was just a crazy
person who was trying to freak the campers out. I don’t know. All I know is, it
was the first time I saw a ghost and I hope it will be the last one, because it’s
a pretty traumatic experience in my life.
The most effective & fastest way of losing friends
The year of
2014 is probably one of the most crucial times for Indonesia. It is the year
where all Indonesian nationalities are voting in the upcoming Legislative
Election and Presidential Election. The legislative election is going to be
held on April 9, 2014 which is basically where all the Indonesian citizens vote
for their desired parliament member from certain political party. The
presidential election is going to be held on July 9, 2014.
I honestly don’t
know whether I have already been registered as a voter or not since I haven’t
received any voting invitation yet which I previously had during the City Mayor
and Governor election last year. Up until February, I wasn’t aware that there’ll
be a Legislative and Presidential Election this year, honestly! There was a lot
of constant flow of comments regarding potential president candidate and views
of political party on my Facebook and Twitter timeline, which was pretty
unusual. So, I turned on my TV in order to figure out what was going on, and it
came clear to me that the general election is this year. No wonder people, not
only on Facebook and Twitter but also on IMs, have been aggressively rooting
for their favorite party or candidate.
As for me, I
am clueless. In my family, we don’t have any particular favorite party or
candidate. Since I was a kid, my family has always been divided into several
different political views and it constantly changing over the years. We’re not
the kind of family that is rooting for the same candidate or party who
inherited their views from the family’s previous generation, instead we have
the freedom to choose whichever party we liked or whoever candidate that we favor.
We talk about politics now and then, in my family, but we rarely dive into the
serious depth of conversation, we even talk about how lame our choices are or
how we choose a candidate because there’s no one left to choose and we laugh
about it all the time.
Do
you wanna effectively lose friends? Express your political views aggressively
and talk bad about other candidates. A number of my friends (especially on Facebook)
are fanatically and aggressively post pictures or comments regarding their
favorite party/ candidate and then talk negative against the other parties/
candidates. Then there’ll be debate which end up in fight from each
supporter. Sometimes
I just want to tell them to slow down and take it easy, but I know it will make
them attack me instead.
Everyone has
the right to express their opinion, but to aggressively defend it or being
stubborn and hot-headed about other people’s opinion does not bring any
advantages. Learn to respect other people’s opinion doesn’t matter how absurd
you think the opinion is. Respect. Respect. Respect. Open our mind. Try to
listen what other people has to say. Embrace the differences. We’re all
intelligent and well-mannered people so let’s act like one, shall we?
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